dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
