He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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