I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
