Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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