Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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