Sponge bath it is.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
