I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
