this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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