Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
