My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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