If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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