Apparently you make a good broom.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
