I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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