piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
