Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
