My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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