I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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