then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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