Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
