I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
