he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
