I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
