you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize