I just gift wrapped bread.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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