the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
