I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize