super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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