I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
