my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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