he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
