3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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