Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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