Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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