Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
