i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
