I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We're like a lot better than the average bears
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Still dying that you shit outside
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Randomize
