Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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