So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
