Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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