i jhust puked up my retainher.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
