I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
