one two three fourrrrnication!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
