Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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