those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
