She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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