We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
