sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
