fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
