Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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