i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize