Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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