Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
