Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
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hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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