FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
