all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
