How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
