Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just tell him i said nine months
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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