I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
