its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
