I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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