wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
